Adolescence: My insight

It's one of the puzzles of navigating through adolescence that, before a hopeful promising few years to come, one of the humanly feelings that we may start to develop is love. It can be lovely, or notably agressive - causing a set of unyielding destructive behavior. Out go our previous innocence and in come selfishness, lust. All we seem to do is pursuing the glittery life of being in a romantic relationship, flirting, or going out more with friends. 

We might wonder if it's the right thing to do or even just a one-time thing. One certainty about it, though, that it is natural. Perhaps we've been shaped wrong to look at it as something to be shameful, that we are in the wrong and to blame just to feel it. Maybe we don't know there is another way, appropriately, to live it not being punished just because being in love is not something the older people did not expect us to be. After watching the Netflix's Adolescence I had a mixed reaction and got reminded again what it felt to be in love, helpless, and anything in between.

Adolescence revolves around Callum, a 13-year old boy who turned his and the lives of other people upside down by being arrested for committing a murder on his schoolmate. (Spoiler) During the first episode, we were given the impression that this young lad could never be able of such a crime, but as we followed through the series, all we got from him was only him saying, "I did nothing wrong", instead of, "I did nothing" to claim his innocence. Interesting, right, because people perceive things differently especially when there is a history of powerlessness.

Episode 3, by the way, was my favorite. There were layers and experiences from a simple set with Jamie and his psychologist at the ward, and I think how she finally broke down to tears at the end was multifaceted and important to the whole storyline. Jamie found it tricky that the psychologist was only trying to understand how Jamie understands things. It was overall a full of emotional turmoil since one by one reasons were getting unraveled - we were also brought to lose faith in the lead character because of the realization of his overwhelming true nature and dark mindset. 

My friend, Arum's, favorite episode was the finale. She said that the scene reflected how one action can affect many and that grief is something we can't reject when it comes to dealing with the inability to face failure. One memorable part was when Jamie's dad said, "I should have done better" in Jamie's room. To think that it took place in where it all began was nothing but heartbreaking.

"What was I when I was 13?" I look back to what could have been during that time - turn out still leave me with no answer. The killing in my scenario, though, is that I was made believe that falling in love is a sin.

Then again, how on earth could this feeling proven problematic? Many years later, I realize that it maybe because, in one of the truly oddest-sounding phenomena of love, it gives us a sense of strength and regaining back our power in life, and at a very young age, this power could lead into something dangerous. It's the kindness of some people who let me be expressive with love, but it's also their inclination to my embrace of its emergence, that culminate into this appalling combination creating a perfect condition in which a hurt party will build up a rage delivered in any ways. My resentment towards the disappointing society winds up as a peculiar, but relatable feeling, to what huge and deep tragedy that Jamie had done in the film.

I have no conclusion here but an insight about enormous, but boundaried compassion. A person who seems acting up still deserves love - they just have no clue to transmit it. One day, the destructive and destructed sides will find the truth about protecting people in love in the kindest way. "I see you", "Thank you for loving me", "Apologies for trying to send you off for showing affections to me". Angels will be weeping in the skies up above with this celebration of love.

The best things i did for myself: 2024 edition

I remember a quote saying, "Finish rested, because you've been strong the whole year", and that came to me in a very good way. It's not like I've been the greatest fighter, or someone with the hugest dragon to slash, but it helps me realize that I don't need to rush anything. Let's go back to being grounded because no one is chasing. 

On that note, I want to take a look at the year 2024 grateful. Most of the goodness came in as a nice product of growing a year older and more mature (I'd hope so). Some of them are the things that I did for myself that turned out create a big difference in my spirit and psyche before stepping in to the new year of 2025. But all of them are ways to become more me.

I did medical check up and made lots of doctor appointments

Growing up, I've always been afraid to go to doctor and receive diagnosis. I started to see the value in it, and I always go for it (most importantly the luxurious face treatment I always look forward to as a reward because often times we just like being taken care of...). I don't want to take my health for granted. Life is already full of tasks I’d rather avoid anyway, so how do I make them manageable?

Well, there is no such thing by feeling comfortable to go see the doctors knowing that there are risks of what we can have of illnesses. That is why, I'd rather to make it a should-do chore because once it is finished, I got the sense of achievement despite being told to take the medicines, avoid certain type of things, and so on. (I can easily see why someone would NOT want to do it, nor want the information that it provides, but I have the exact personality type that wants it desperately)

I finally had my medical check up done, and once I made it, I was on a roll empowered by the results—nothing too concerning, and I even improved my awareness to stay on the healthy line just because I don't want to discover other health issues in the future. While right now it’s a Nothing, it could turn into a Something very fast, but a pretty doctor, though not so friendly, is working her magic through words and advises that the Nothing’s aspirations of becoming Something currently can be discharged.

The highlight was, I finally had braces on! Well, it's more of a want from the past to improve my loo, but it still felt so rewarding to come, though, to get to the point where I had the money, and went through it all. It felt exhilarating to know better about my wisdom teeth growing, in fact, so sturdily that it supported my mouth function.

I have no illusions that health or mortality are in my control, but going to all those appointments are the bodily equivalent to doing house chores. It reminded me that tackling this as a task, much like organizing clutters, can feel energizing when approached with the right mindset. We need this to get done, and the peace that comes from crossing off "I should" tasks makes the experience in navigating life much smoother.

I meal prep, and everything

After trying to be more committed to meal prep, I asked myself repeatedly if I felt better: healthier, more energetic? The answer was: not really. What did change, though, was my mind (and financial condition hehehe).

For years, I had been aware that consuming excessive meat and sugar would deliberately take my health go downhill. This resonance with my modest ethics to finally schedule the intake; not fully cutting them off. Once I aligned my actions with this value, I began to respect myself more, which even led to even greater time management and budgeting through planning. Meal prep, in my case, was less about diet and more about cultivating self-care and mindful spending. I also applied this to skin cycling, and pursuing capsule wardrobe to avoid fast fashion. This approach to self-respect has made me more fulfilled, calm and settled, even when I’m not perfect— especially when I'm not perfect.

I let my mind change itself and be spontaneous

In 2024, I took a break from goal-setting. Not that I've been always consistent in the resolution frenzy but along the way, I unlocked a more thriving era which is embracing more fluidity and happy-go approach to life.

I explored (and re-invent) a variety of interests—photography, home designing, singing, going to the zoo, and more—without the pressure to stick with them or excel with specific outcomes. This shift was inspired by a perspective on a post I read, which challenged me to stop saying "I should" and instead acknowledge what truly wasn’t a priority. This honesty allowed me to focus on things that excited me at one time, without the guilt of failing or unfinished commitments.

I started seeing my changes of interest as small adventures rather than pressure, understanding that rigidity isn’t necessary for personal growth. For this time being, I like following the flow of life rather than staging it. I'm doing whatever feels right in that moment, and trusting that life knows where it’s going.

I believe that every year is inherently meant to be good: it can be a year of questioning or a year of answering. It's easier to just see it through with a light and focus on what we can control, rather than being resentful of what's already happened or what's to come. 

Practice, and make it a good habit! That's what I learnt from the good ol' 2024.

Wishing everyone a prosperous and healthy new year of 2025 with beautiful growths and gentle lessons.