We need to admit that we lose and it’s okay

Here’s the thing. Sometimes, we simply got screwed over. We worked hard, we qualified, but it didn’t really matter. We have the potential, we’ve got moves, but never got the recognition. And there’s nothing we can do about it.

Except to not give up. We can always try.

That place I used to be happy working for? They got me transfer non-stop. They seemed to offer me a future only to crush my hope. Like an empty can.

One day, I was planning for a secure retirement at the company. The next day, I sheepishly backpedaled. Worse part—you know you deserved better.

Sometimes, people got their jobs rescinded for a good reason. More connections, bigger chances to develop. Do you think this is a kind of cliché that you can only find in stories? No, it exists in real life.

Worst part — you know you actually hadn’t done anything wrong that such thing could happen to you after all.

For me, they just didn’t have room for someone new. The company still needed adjustments here and there, and apparently I was not in the picture. I was qualified. I was only there in the wrong time.

You don't have to be yourself

 'Just be yourself' is an overrated quote. And it does no good. 

We can't always show what we're feeling, say what we're thinking. True self is crap and we should act different when it comes to different circumstances.

It is such an unfortunate thing to listen to advices that are based on the concept of trueness. True love, true anything. 

We can have more than one love. And it is okay too to have more than one self. Just because you act different, it doesn't mean that you are fake or wrong.

Normalize the idea of having a lot of selves. One that is genuine, another that is assertive. As weird as it sounds, they may contradict each other. However, that can also be a good thing.

Great ideas are born from constant push and pull. We need to believe there's always something around us to be improved. We should go through phases, changes.

Do you notice the bio section that can be found on every social media nowadays? They wanted us to brand ourselves in a certain limitation of characters. Who are we? I'm not sure one could ever really describe themselves correctly (and aesthetically) they way that they really want. Often times, we spend hours to look for ideas, or weeks to keep changing it as we come up with different answers. A list of nouns, a set of adjectives. 

Whatever selves we have, it comes from evolution. It never stays the same. It's always morphing. 

We tend to see a self as a one-side thing. However, you can never really pin your identity into something. We are this person with our family, another with our friends. The real us does not exist at one given moment. And, you can be some things at once and you are still real.

Another thing that is relevant is that we don't have a self without others. We are social creatures. Parts of us are shaped by who we live our life with — whether we like it or not. Further, parts of our identity depend on how we spend our time with people. 

For example, I'm harsh, but this adjective does not mean a shit without a touchstone. I'm also laid back, but lively, and every other thing in between.

People also told me about my personality. Sometimes, they even admitted that their first impression of me was wrong. 

I can describe myself as ignorant. My friends told me that ignorant people would bother them more. The main reason of this behavior is that I don't want to mess around. Turned out, that could be the opposite of ignorant. People perceive me as not very ignorant, but composed.

But people can be wrong, too, you know? Our identity lies in the difference between what you know about yourself, and what others put the labels on you.

Go ahead and be mysterious. You don't need to show your real self as nobody does not need to see it either. Things don't make much sense as we live. Justify later.

Some of us mirror gazing. Some others journal, keep gratitude notes, save pictures. Mainly to see what characters we're mostly like. There is nothing bad about that. It's just we are learning about ourselves. Just remember that it is a continuous process and that we shouldn't stop. One day, you'll feel like Spongebob. The next day, you may feel like Squidward (inside jokes)

In finding ourselves, we will never reach the end. You may think you are 'this', but then you will change to 'that' and that is completely acceptable. If one thing could ever likely be true, it is that we're always changing. Our identity slips and slides. It melts through our fingers, but we can ride it as we go. The thing is, we are free for where we would go.

So which self I am now talking to you? Hopefully, the one that is nice.

All the Bright Places: My insight

Movies and other productions that want to bring up issues about mental illness should be really careful. It needs both sensitivity, and effort to attain enough entertainment value. Many have tried to make it, like 13 Reasons Why, but the success has always been overshadowed by some serious notes from people regarding its careless handle in depicting glorification of bullying and committing suicide.

However, an original movie by Netflix comes in with more compelling aspects, compared to the previous forerunner. It’s called All the Bright Places, a movie about mental issue portrayal that I recently watched. As far as I concerned, based on the reviews, too, the movie is able to avoid doing the same mistake that was previously made. It explores the issue with such care, while still being visually pleasing and enjoyable overall.

All the Bright Places follows two teenagers who were emotionally scarred. They suffered from each, different traumatic events and mental condition. The two, finally, found strength and sanctuary from each other.

The movie was opened with a scene, where the girl was shown standing on the edge of a bridge, seemingly about to jump. Then, the boy came to here, asking what she’s doing. But since he sensed a cry of help right there, he made a series of ultimate effort to get close to her in hope his presence would give a sort of support, and eventually made difference.

The way the girl was reluctant at first, she finally let some space in her life for the boy and, indeed, found joy along the process. Though the ending doesn’t seem like the most preferable option, the movie has been able to show us more than that.

Through this movie, we can learn how difficult it actually is to deal with, and recover from a tragedy. The point is, the relationship between the two damaged people isn’t solely about love, but rather discovering the importance of opening up to someone, and being that someone who could understand without judging. When we keep our feelings to ourselves, we often distance ourselves with the world, right? But that’s not how it’s all supposed to work. By distancing ourselves, we prevent ourselves from getting healed, too, so it’s probably right to say that the first step we have to take to healing is to open up and move on.

What makes the movie even more unique is the representation of different ways people often do to deal with their depression or trauma. Unlike the girl, the boy doesn’t seem to try to talk about his feeling, despite his presence in order to make the girl feel helped. The portrayal of how these two young people handle their conditions is intense, but the story itself never puts any entitlement nor judgment on each of them. If anything, I’ll say the movie understands the characters so well and appreciates every possible way of a person handling their own mental illness.

From what I see from the movie and other references, people with the most overwhelming struggles are often the ones with the biggest, deepest capacity of empathy towards other. Not only because do they think helping others will distract them from their struggles, they also who most likely know how it feels to be on the other side. So, I realize that opening up can be found helpful in some cases of mental illness, but in some other way, the healing needs to be with more than the help of other people. The juxtaposition of the need of being help and various kinds of help is shown beautifully, yet very sympathetically in this movie.

In the end, the movie All the Bright Places is such a wake-up call for us about the existence and urgency of coping with mental illness. Although I recognize there were some cliché scenes and scripts, too, in it, the intention of this movie felt so honest and pure, and intriguing making it shine from the beginning to end, and spotlights mental illness just right.