It
may sound cliché, but self-love is very important. Sometimes, people try to
search someone or something in order to feel complete and loved. Boyfriend,
girlfriend, getting promotion, being rich, all of those points have the
potential to distract us from what's most important that is love from within. I
don’t neglect the importance having someone who loves us or something we love,
I just started to look deeper than it. Accepting ourselves first is way more
fulfilling. And having self-love isn’t an act of selfishness at all.
Last
September, I graduated from college. Various thoughts of what’s probably coming
next is haunting me, including finding a job, working with people, settling
down in a company, building a career. The thoughts are terrifying. They are not
happening yet, but I know they are coming. When I first made aware of this, I
did not know yet how to react. I just try not to feel stressed. I try not to
feel pressured. One thing I know is I should just getting prepared.
I
thought, “Real life is starting very soon”. Sure, I have some other plans like
going to more seminars or workshops, and learning from online courses, but I
think going to work right after college is exactly the phase in life. The absurdity of this situation is very real and
uncomfortable. I finally have to live on my own. The effect of this reality come
crashing on me was probably I start to get anxious easily. I once had panic
attack, and I totally didn’t feel well some other times.
Then,
I realized that if things keep on going this way, I’d know damn well I would
lose myself and precious moments in the present. I’m going to always be in
panic mode before really functioning to even do house chores or go outside and
have fun. That’s when I made the decision to let it all flow and accept the
fact that I’m still figuring things out. I might get a job sooner or later, but
I rather enjoy this exact phase.
Accepting
my flaws and loving myself first allow me to move past most of my worries. I
start focusing on being a good kid and friend. I start focusing more on me and the
time I’m living right now. I devoted more time to discover new music and
movies, make-up products, and other things I find myself interested in. I make
myself sure this isn’t denial. In fact, this is freedom. And I give myself a huge
chance to love myself first and more before anything else.
Nobody
knows what’ll be coming next. Realizing this makes me sure that I am the one I
should focus on first and not rely on other things that are still unclear. I am
still working on loving myself, though, and I bet this is a lifetime process. I
just wish I’d always make time for the important things, rather than those I
fear happening. Growing this self-love is the best that I can do right now and
I believe this isn’t selfish at all.